Audience/Boundaries

Racist "jokes"

Homophobic "jokes"

Sexist "jokes"

Transphobic "jokes"

Ableist "jokes"

Rape "jokes"

I put jokes in quotations because these things are not funny, at all. When you talk these "jokes", you aren't being witty or clever, you are being rude and offensive. In this post, I have two types of people to address. The person who insists upon telling the "joke", and the people who are hearing it.

If you want to tell a controversial joke or make a potentially offensive remark in jest, you need to know your audience. Ask yourself, who's company are you in? Any of the following people, will probably not receive these jokes very well;

1. Someone you aren't very close to
2. People who have suffered prior harassment due to one of these things
3. [In regards to rape jokes] Most rape victims, especially recent victims
4. [In regards to ableist jokes] Those who have a mentally handicapped person close in their family
5. [In regards to ableist jokes] Those with recent diagnosis

The list goes on but those are some obvious red flags so as to warn you absolutely not to make those crude remarks.

Now more importantly I want to address those who are on the other end of these comments. If you are uncomfortable, do not be ashamed or afraid to speak up. You don't have to do so by yelling or becoming angry (however if this is the fifth time in three days you had to tell this person to grow up no one will blame you for getting upset), just tell the person that you don't think that is very funny and you would appreciate if they refrained from that behavior. Set your own boundaries, don't let anyone else set them for you. You are not being overly sensitive, we all have triggers that make us uncomfortable and there is nothing wrong with that.

The biggest rule of thumb is to refrain from making these types of remarks unless you know who you are dealing with. For example, I never think racist, homophobic, or transphobic jokes are funny. Those things don't apply to me and I think that is why it makes me so uncomfortable. I don't feel like I have any right to laugh at them because it isn't my place. Sort of like when people reclaim certain slurs. Black people can say n****, but it is offensive if anyone else says it. I feel that way about laughing at jokes as well. If you think it is funny and it applies to you that's fine but I feel like I am making fun of people if I laugh. Sexist remarks in humor I can handle so long as they are mild and coming from someone I am close to like a good friend or a family member. Ableist jokes I think are offensive and disgusting, my nine year old cousin is autistic and I don't think making run of someone non-neurotypical is funny I think it is juvenile. Rape jokes I also think are disgusting. I have never been raped but I have been sexually assaulted and there is never a time when I think rape jokes are funny.

I to often stand by and let these things slide and don't speak up, and I really need to get better and stand up for myself and my comfort zone. I would like to leave you with this video because I think it is important not to become hostile when asking someone to stop, as it could be a coping mechanism for them.