Gay Couples; "So Which of You is the Girl/Guy?"

At one point or another almost everyone has probably either asked a gay couple, or asked a mutual friend of the gay couple, or asked anyone about a gay couple. "So, who is the guy/girl in the relationship?" This is one of those "phobias in disguise" type of statements. When or if you are asking that, I highly doubt you realize that what you are saying is homophobic.

If a person is homosexual, they aren't attracted to the opposite sex. They are only interested in people of the same sex. So that being said, what your saying is overly heteronormative and you are erasing the identity and relationship that you are questioning.

If that person wanted a traditional relationship with a man and a woman, they would have that. If that was the type of thing they desired, that in and of itself would make them not gay. If you are looking at a homosexual relationship, there is no male and female role. There are two men or two women. I think it's time we stop being so heteronormative and see gay relationships for what they are and stop trying to put everyone in our weird little box of gender roles and what's "normal" because it becomes really harmful.