Phobias and Isms in Disguise

Homophobia. Transphobia. Sexism. Racism. 

It is 2015, we have a black president and a woman ready to run in the next election, every day it seems we find gay marriage become legal in another state, marijuana is getting legalized in various places, and still despite the progress as liberal ideals slowly creep over the nation, we are still dealing with these four things. There are still people all over the country who cannot open their minds to what is really in the world around them. And no one wants to admit that they are closed minded bigots, so they find a way to disguise it. They say little simple things that aren't a big deal, but you can tell there is more to it than meets the eye. Maybe it's body language, maybe it's their response to you disagreeing with what they say, maybe it's as simple as their tone or demeanor. Whatever it is, big and obvious or small and subtle, it's clear that it isn't just a little comment from someone who is uneducated, it's someone who isn't comfortable with progress. Here are some every day problematic thing that we hear, to help you identify that person in your life.


Constantly misgenders Caitlyn Jenner.
Those people who just can't get it straight. It is she/her not he/him and Caitlyn not Bruce. Bruce doesn't exist and it is extremely disrespectful to refuse to acknowledge that. Some people just have a hard time because Caitlyn and her family have been in the limelight for a long time, so at this early stage it may be hard for some to keep it straight. What I am referring to here is those who after being corrected say something along the lines of "I don't care" or "I am not going to call him Caitlyn, he is Bruce". That then goes beyond uneducated and turns in to disrespectful and transphobic.

Complains about the media attention Caitlyn Jenner is getting.
While yes, popular media and tabloid stories are irritating, every celebrity and television personality is under that same kind of limelight. Every change they make is looked at for weeks. If this is a person who is always annoyed by pop culture news, then it's excused and no different than normal for them to complain. However when this is a person who you typically hear not a word from about it and suddenly they are deeply bothered, they might be transphobic, ladies and gents. This exposure for Caitlyn Jenner is important because trans kids have a hard time telling their parents and often become homeless due to who they are. Things like attention to trans people in the media is helping and making it easier to explain for every day people who are going through something similar.

Uses racial slurs "as a joke" or in a way that "doesn't mean that".
I'm talking about the white people who use the uncommon or obscure sounding racial slurs that they heard once or twice because they think it is funny to say or the people who think if they take from African American Vernacular English and end their slur with an "a" instead of an "er" that suddenly it isn't offensive and it means something different. 

"There is a difference between black people and n*****s."
This is by far one of the grossest things I have ever heard any person say. This one is more outright racism but the person saying it will likely try to explain how it isn't by saying "no in this context a white person can be a n***** too." They will explain the difference between a person who is trashy and everyone else. The fact that they used that word and when they refer to the "trashy people" saying the n-slur is essentially equating it to African Americans, it is extremely problematic. Though I don't think that was something you all required an explanation for.

Sees something accepting of homosexuality and asks where is the praise for traditional relationships
Let's be honest, everything in the media today is a nod to traditional relationships. Our society is so heteronormative. Every ad depicts a traditional family, almost every television show focuses on straight relationships, a little bit of acceptance for the gay community is fine and doesn't require a reciprocation for you. 

Associates things like clothes, hairstyles, colors, or inanimate objects with a gender or sexuality
You have short hair so you are a lesbian. You shouldn't wear those hats because they are for guys. Or the always popular, barbies are for girls and hot wheels are for boys. Or even pink and blue! Who decided color has a gender anyway?

I am in no way saying if you know someone who does these things to cut them out. Everything on this list is something one or more of the very most important people in my life have done. So by all means, keep them in your life, you love them and that is okay. However if you identify these harmful behaviors in someone, I urge you to in a polite way correct them or invoke a conversation to help them understand that what they are saying or doing isn't okay. Sometimes, it isn't that they mean to me racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic they are simply uneducated on the matter and a lot of people hate and fear what they don't know. So in those cases all you can do is help them know.