#WomenAgainstFeminism

When I originally started writing up this post I had a bunch of examples of celebrities who had turned away the title "feminist" for one reason or another, but last night in the middle of the night I was scrolling through my Facebook and a girl I went to high school with posted something that I think makes a better example of why many women don't want to take on the title of "feminist". So I am going to go ahead and show you that post and explain it to you guys. I cut off her name because the purpose here is in no way to throw her under the bus but simply to show you all something I think is important.

Okay now let me tell you something, I have a lot of problems with what is said in this post, and a little less than half of those problems are with the actual post. The majority of the issue here is the fact that she is saying these things because they are things she has seen or heard said to her or other people by women who call themselves feminists. That's disgusting. I used to be on tumblr for about three years, and in that time, I saw the women she is referring to. Women who would see this post she made and dismiss it saying "do you even know the definition of feminism?!" But ladies and gentlemen it doesn't matter. Our actions speak louder than our words. When we see feminists treating other women like this we need to call them out and we need to protect anti-feminist women just as much as any other woman. Our job is to stand for women. All women, not just the ones who think like us. Let me break this down to further explain what's going on here.

"I don't need modern feminism because I don't need my fellow women telling me I'm a "disgrace to all women" because I prefer superhero movies with men over women (because they are generally, authentically better)."

 There is nothing wrong with this girl, we'll call her Sue, preferring male led superhero movies. I personally prefer, for example, male comedians. I love standup but I can only think of one female stand up comedian who I found genuinely funny. That is her preference and there is nothing wrong with that. She isn't "disgraceful" and she isn't "oppressing" other women. It's not the actresses fault it is generally speaking the writer. Male led superhero movies are about them saving the city and doing all this good while female led superhero movies are almost entirely about just the fact that she is a woman and makes a huge deal out of it. Women who are attacking other women for their entertainment preferences, stop.

"I don't need modern feminism because I don't need my fellow women talking down to me due to the fact I enjoy taking care of my man."

Okay, fellow feminists, what do we want? Say it with me now, equality for women. So what does that mean? It means choice. It means my body, my choice. My mind, my choice. My time, my choice. My life, my choice. I myself am a stay at home wife and mother. There is nothing wrong with taking on a traditional role. The only thing I ask is that you don't force or expect other women to take a traditional role. If Sue and I want to stay at home, take care of our husbands and kids, and cook dinner, that's fine. But if say Katie wants to be the breadwinner in her family and be taken care of by someone else be that a man or a woman, then more power to her! Female empowerment doesn't mean doing everything you can to crush gender roles, it's simply not expecting everyone to follow them. It's about doing what you want and allowing other women to do the same. Women who are attacking other women for their lifestyle choices, stop.

"I don't need modern feminism because every job I've ever had I was PAID THE SAME AS THE MEN DOING THE SAME JOB that had been there close to the same amount of time as me!"

Ladies, can we please stop doing this? The wage gap has been proven over and over again to be a myth. Same work, equal pay. That is the law and if you are being treated unfairly you go to court. The "wage gap" is a lifetime earnings gap and it's a matter of what jobs men or women typically go for. I am going to make a much longer post in the future about this issue with sources, but that's for later. For now, I leave you with this; women who are using "the wage gap" to propel your feminism, stop. There are plenty of causes to get behind, you don't need to cling to fabrications.

"I don't need modern feminism because I know through EXPERIENCE that a women's body CAN'T do all the same things a man's can."

Now this one is tough, because I don't think I believe that. This is where the tides change to me being more opposed to things in the actual post. I would have to ask her for some specific examples, which I haven't. I think eventually I am going to put something up on Facebook and twitter asking for a female anti-feminist to allow me to interview her but in this case all I have to work with is what was written in front of me. Now there is a possibility that she means this in the way that only a female body can give birth I'm sure there are scientific impossibilities and restrictions that can affect this for women as well, just not things I can think of off the top of my head. However anything that has anything to do with ability or learned skills or something you put effort in to accomplishing, a woman can do it just as much as a man can do it, and I firmly believe that. There is a good chance that there are things men are typically seen as good at that Sue can't do well, which is fine. For example we typically think of men as being the athletic gender, and for me, that's sort of true because I am badly out of shape and can't run longer than a couple minutes without getting winded. However if I were to work at that every day I could become very good at whatever it is that I am failing at. So in that respects, my feelings depend on if she meant things like not being able to lift as much or something genetically impossible in the way male bodies can't bare children. Too much is left up to interpretation for me to make a real definite statement here.

"I don't need modern feminism because I don't believe killing innocent babies before they even get a chance to experience the world (abortion) is empowerment for women. In fact it oppresses women."

 This is another one that I have mixed feelings about. First and foremost I would like to make my stance clear which is pro-choice and anti-abortion. I think it should be a woman's right to make the decisions for her body, however I would never get an abortion and I don't think it is the right thing to do. I however don't know you or your situation so who am I to tell you what to do with your life and your body. My stance on abortion is actually kind of complicated and can't be explained in just one paragraph. That being said, I know pro-life feminists. That is totally okay, feminism is just about empowering women and wanting societal equality for women. How to achieve that is up to the individual feminist. I also don't really understand how a woman having a right to choose for herself is oppressing her. Now that being said, remember when I said my life my choice? Don't look down on someone for having these feelings, talk with them but don't screech at them. That last sentence makes me believe that possibly she meant women being oppressed in the way that they aren't "allowed" to take their own stance on the issue and are expected to sway one way or the other, because I doubt there are pro-choice women shouting that all women need to have abortions. That doesn't make any sense. So again, I'm not really on board with this one.

"I don't need modern feminism because I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I know not all men are out to get me."

We now shift back to something I can get behind. This is what a strong woman looks like ladies. A woman who doesn't make herself a victim, but rather a survivor. A woman who knows she had an isolated situation with a man who was no good. She isn't afraid and she isn't hateful. She took her situation and grew from it and that is amazing and that is strength. Women who are saying "all men are scum" or something of the likes because of one man that did you wrong, stop.

"I DON'T NEED MODERN FEMINISM BECAUSE THERE ARE WOMEN IN OTHER COUNTRIES THAT HAVE IT WAY WORSE THAN 'HE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ME' AND 'HE LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN BECAUSE MY BOOBS ARE FALLING OUT OF MY SHIRT AND MY BUTT IS HANGING OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF MY JEANS.'"

Okay, Sue is totally right here, there are, however the reason I don't really fully support this is because;

1. Not all modern feminism is so western-centric
2. Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean I don't still have problems

I feel like this is the same as to say, "well I know your air conditioning is broken and it's the middle of the summer, but there are people who are entirely homeless so therefore you have no right to be concerned about fixing your air conditioning". I think we can agree that doesn't make sense. And in addition to that I want to say that no matter what a woman is wearing her body is her own. If you look you look, whatever it's probably a little distracting, I hope you have more respect than that boys, but whatever maybe it's just almost a reflex and while I disapprove I understand. However what a woman is wearing is never an invitation for you to catcall her or god forbid touch her. Sue is correct in that we as feminists due need to put more attention in to the women of third world countries, however I don't think that means we have to give up our fight over here.

Okay now all of that being said what I really want to leave you all with is this; anti-feminists are typically created by toxic feminists. We need to police our own movement to keep these things from happening. Don't write off anti-feminists, listen to them. They might make excellent points and show you where the holes are in our movement so we can go try to patch them. And lastly, what we want is for women to have a choice and be in charge of themselves. That means if they are feminists or not as well. We can't only advocate for women who think like us, all women are important. Anti-feminist women are still women and we need to treat them with the same respect that we want.